Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Pricksmas!!

Merry Christmas my little candy canes!! There's tons to report about on this fine Christmas night (ex./ some crazy b*tch bum-rushed the Pope, an even crazier mofo tried to light off a bomb on a plane in Detroit, etc.), but I've decided to hit you all with a little ditty about a prick named Charlie Sheen cuz, well, he desrves some holidy sh*t talkin. Now, unless you were born 20 minutes ago then you're at least somewhat familiar with the trashastic antics of this homo. And if you really did hatch into this world sheer moments ago and you're not familiar, then let me wipe the placenta from your wee baby eyes for a little rundown of the pricktard checklist (AKA,  a better idea of the jerkuss at hand): Substance abuse problems followed by multiple stints in rehab and jail? Check! Gambling addiction? Check! Customer of the Decade award in a high-priced prostitution ring? Check! Jilted trashy ex wife who left him while in her 3rd trimester of pregnancy followed by more drug/gambling/ hooker problems? Check! Arrested this Christmas morning for choking a b*tch who happened to be his current wife and mother of even more of his trash spawn? Check, check, check!!
So, yeah. It looks like the ol' Brat Packer turned fudge-packer today as he spent some time in the pokey for doing what the truly trashy do best: beat up on their drunk wives - rootin tootin good, y'all!! I don't think I need to get into details of what reportedly happened, except that ol' Chas and the li'l lady were vacationing in Aspen when it all went down, but I think we can picture the most likely scenario:

Mr. Trashy: B*tch, that's my Gold Bond medicated foot powder, what you reckon you doin with it?
Mrs. Trashy: Aww, paww!! I needed it for our youngins!! I reckon their hides are chapped from all the snow up here in Aspen.
Mr. Trashy: What'd you call me?? I ain't no has-been!! Come 'ere, b*tch, I'll teach you sass me!!

...and so on, and so on...sigh...but enough about Lifestyles of the Rich and Lameness. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!! I spent mine home with the family, playing Santa to my brother's li'l critters in the morning and then to the movies to catch Sherlock Holmes in the afternoon, which was a pretty good flick, btw. Robert Downey Jr. really did a great job with the role! So much so that I no longer think my beloved J. Depp could have been a better fit for the role. (I still love you, baby - muah!!) And for once I saw what the rest of the world sees in Jude Law whenever they talk about him being a good actor and whatnot. He played the Robin to Downey Jr.'s bad-ass Bri-ish Batman with a decent amount of edge and without coming off the least bit butt-buddy about it - cheerio, ol' chap!!

Monday, December 21, 2009

This just in...

Yo! So my editor at sent me a link to my latest piece with the site. It's a theatre review of a kick-ass play/musical lust partaay called The Wanting that's been running in Santa Monica. Word is it's going on the road this weekend to, well, I can't recall now, so let's just say else other places. Anywho, if ya wanna check it out, click here. I noticed who ever layed it out is completely daft in design and possibly missing a chromosome, but it still made it in with my original submission virtually untouched.


Happy Monday, ya'll. So I got up this morning to the news that Brittany Murphy has 32!!...The internet has been down at my place since last week (an odessey in patience all its own) and it wasn’t until I ventured over to my parents' connection today that I was able to get all my gossip headlines, but WTF?? I totally didn't expect this one, especially since I'd kind of forgotten all about her with Hollywood already so ripe with late 20's-early 30's aged actresses making headlines for poor lifestyle choices instead of strong screen work (see the post below this one for a perfect example), that Ms. Murphy pretty much had slipped off my radar.
It's not that I'm some big fan of hers or that I even really considered her a good actress, but I can say I've followed her work a little bit since she came onto the scene in 1994 with Clueless (one of those movies we'd rock after school everyday for like months) and it's kind of really a shock to me that's she's gone, especially so young. I'm not one of those weirdos who all feels like I knew some celeb even when I'm a huge fan of someone and know tons of details about their lives (like my man Morrissey or 'Ye), but I just feel so bad for her husband and family, and can't help but wonder if her death was a product of her lifestyle. The reports I read said her mother (who she is  said to have been very close to) found her unconscious in the shower, and that she died of cardiac arrest, which for her age group is basically code for coke problem and/or eating disorder. If that's the case, I wouldn’t be surprised since the Hollywood machine manages to chew up young people with drugs as its saliva and spit them out a spiritually impoverished version of their former selves routinely, but it's just sad that another young lady left her loved ones and fans this way.

Over the years I've managed to pick up little details about Murphy’s life (ex./ she dated Ashton Kutcher and Eminem) and I have seen some of her other films like 8 Mile (3 stars), Girl Interrupted (4 stars) and Love & Other Disasters ( -2 stars, seriously baaaaad), and it's been reported that she was working on an indie film at the time of her death, so she definitely had some more good years of work to share with us. R.I.P, lady. Like I said above, bummer.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Ahh, idiocy...

Dear Linds,
If you're reading this, then I'm the happiest girlee in socal because I get to tell you directly that you, missy, are an imbecilic snatch-face who has no business discussing anything other than how to be a hot mess with a cold career. That being said, please retire from twitter and all other social networking sites the same way you've retired from being a legitimate actress, ASAP. In fact, put down your iphone and pick back up that vile of coke you keep lodged in one of your nappy-ass extensions and go on another one of your famous 2-year binges, followed by a 6-month kibble coma, followed by some well-deserved rehab time, followed by jail time with daddy, followed by early retirement in a place where you can never have access to a keyboard whether connected to the internet or not, humpf!! ;-/
So, you may be asking why I'm even wasting space on the internet bashing the likes of this pathetic hasbo who seems to have been replaced by Tiger Woods as head tabloid dumb-ass?? Well, because this time her poseur antics have involved my peeps and I can't stands no more! That's right folks, the Lindster went to India and managed to ignite a sh*t storm of criticism that is best described as an international incident with a special ed twist.
It all began earlier today when I came across this little gem on Wonderwall about how Skanky McCougarface went to India supposedly on a mission to help rescue some children laboring in Delhi sweatshops and tweeted about how, "Over 40 children saved so far ... Within one day's work ... This is what life is about ...Doing THIS is a life worth living!!!" When the reality of it is that Lilo got to India well AFTER the mission had already taken place and the kiddies were already saved... LAME!
So yeah, she had absolutely nothing to do with saving anybody in India from anything, except maybe she saved some poor rikshaw drivers from certain STD infection by not hooking up with them...sigh...
So Lindsay, honey, if you're reading this, please just stop. Stop the posing, stop the tweeting, stop doing anything that garners you any attention, just STOP.
That is all.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Party in the USA, indeed!!

Howdy blogosphere, how goes it?! So I'm trolling through my favorite frivolous celeb dish sites today and I come across this little tidbit about how Miley Cyrus is fixin' to do a cover of Poison's "Every Rose Has it's Thorn"... can we say, 'teen trash meets geezer trash'? YEEHAW!!
So it looks like young Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana/jailbait/Brit-Brit in training, is about ready to remake the hair band classic that glam rocker-turned-reality TV whore, Bret Michaels once wrote for a stripper who broke his heart in the 80's. And it's rumored that ol' Brett is gonna do the strummin' to Miley's hummin' on the remake of his trusty steed of a hit that won't quit.
Now, I'm not against hairband ballads, or covers of them for that matter, but does anyone else find it creepy that Miley's gonna be singing a song about a trashy pole dancer after her infamous display of her pole dancing aspirations at the Teen Choice Awards earlier this year? I'm just sayin..=-O

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Gobble-Gobble, Y'all!!

It's Thanksgiving time again and I'm ready to get my Chef-Girl-R-T on!! That's right, I'm the Thanksgiving cook in my family and after a near year of feeling like I have no real importance in the work world, I'm looking forward to being the one upon whom the entire family Thanksgiving spread depends. And to get things started right, I came across this article about what the menu of the first Thanksgiving probably looked like. Did you know they probably had seal meat and lobster with their turkey? Oh no they di'int!!!
While the History might have a leg up on what the first Thanksgiving might have looked like, I think I know what the first Thanksgiving might have sounded like:
Plymouth Colonist: This is a blessed feast!! Let us go around the table and give word of all the things we are thankful for on this joyous day. I'll go first! I'm thankful for no longer being a Prisoner of her Majesty and finding solace in this ripe land of America that the Indians are so graciously sharing with us.
Wampanoag Indian: Sharing? More like raping and pillaging, ya greedy bastage.
Plymouth Colonist: What?
Wampanoag Indian: What?
Plymouth Colonist: Exactly.
Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble!!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

No such thing as bad publicity...?

Greetings my lovelies, I hope all yee are well. Unfortunately, I'm not feeling so well today, so I'm home lounging and taking a day off  to chillax and troll the Internet for random gossip - yaaayy!! And in my web wanderings, I came across this little tidbit about John Mayer's stance on the whole Kanye/Taylor Swift VMA debacle (AKA, "Douchbag-Gate, Part 748").
Now, I know a good portion of the world holds an extremely special hatred for 'Ye and I admit it takes a special type of fan to be able to separate all the dude's Taurett's-style displays of douchebagery from his dope beats, but seriously, it's time to get over the Taylor Swift thing. And before you egg this post and get yolk all over your screens, let me state my case further.
There's no question that 'Ye can be a douchebag, borderline douchefag, who needs to be hung up by his balls and beaten with a whip made of tampons soaked in lemon Pledge every time he acts up, but the dude does make some syck, one-of-a-kind beats. And for those who really listen to his rhymes (like moi), homie could be a motivational speaker.
Yeah he has an ego the size of Fergie's package, but that's what has made him such an infamous character in the biz. If it wasn't for someone as famous as him crapping on Taylor's VMA moment, most people over the age of 21 with decent taste in music would still have no idea who she is!!! And that's the truth, yo.
Before the 2009 VMA's, I seriously thought Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood were the same person. I had no idea she had a whole career of crappy country pop of her own going. Now that I know who she is (thanks to 'Ye), I even kinda like that song (I'm so ashamed). And I don't think I'm alone here. Dude, Janet Jackson sent her flowers the morning after the VMA's!!!! Do you really think Ms. Jackson-if-you're-nasty would have given Taylor Swift even one millisecond of a thought if 'Ye hadn't douched on her moment? That's right folks, no. Not even if Janet was taking a 45- minute crap while reading a copy of Teen People magazine with Taylor on the cover would she have given a sh*t about Ms. Swift, let alone have an actual thought process about her.
So, in closing, I'd like to say it's time for Taylor to give back. That's right girl, admit Kanye West put you on the map and send him some damn flowers! Admit that the publicity you got from the VMA debacle is the best publicity you've ever had, or will ever have again, lest you lose your virginity to a three-some with Michael Moore and Snoop Dogg on the Internet while screaming, "I'm a gay fish!!!!" But until that happens, I think it's time to 'bow in the presense of greatness' and put an end to the brutal, yet surprisingly long-lived, Kanye bashing. No one's asking you to admit Beyonce had the best video of all time (she really didn't), but it's time to be honest about what the VMA drama has done for your career: Pure butter, baby.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Big Bird turns 40!!!

Greetings my lovelies! Today I spent the morning at my parents' house where my niece and nephew are staying. I noticed them watching Sesame Street and I decided to chill for a spill and watch the show. As it turns out I was in for a treat since it happened to be the show's 40th birthday episode!! Holla!!!
And as to be expected, many festivites were on deck for celebrating the 40th bday of the street where everything's "A-OK." The biggest surprise was a guest spot by Michelle Obama who apparently bonded with Big Bird over being tall; however, this all could have been a cover for Mrs. Obama's real motive: to snag some of Big Bird's feathers and use 'em to concoct next year's big money making flu epidemic: Big Bird Flu. (AKA, the "ABC-123 Virus") ;-p

Anywho, my sister-in-law brought up a valid point while we were watching the show: Elmo sooo wasn't the stoked character in our day!!! Today he is the End-all/Be-all of childrens' characters to the Elmer's paste-eating set the world over, but in our day Elmo was a nobody compared to the OG likes of Oscar the Grouch and the proverbial homie, Snuffleupagus. Hell, even the not-so ambiguously gay Bert n' Ernie got more play than Elmo did back in the day.
It's almost enough to make ya wonder if Elmo and his handlers sold his puppet soul to the devil or some evil hitmaker like Simon Cowell or Montgomery C. Burns. I can just imagine how it went down...
Elmo: Elmo want to be cool.
Monty Burns: This can be arranged, but for a price...I want 45% of your life's earnings and the hand that's up your ass to be up mine as well.
Elmo: Elmo no want to share tickle-me-ass plug, but will do it for fame. Make everyone love Elmo!!
Monty Burns: Excellent! Smithers, fetch me my furry red hot pants and slather my chest with glitter oil - it's time to celebrate!!
Lol..I mean, if it worked for Elmo, maybe I should hit up Cowell or Burns or Lucifer and see if I can wager my entire shoe and handbag collections to get lasting mega success as a writer???
...sigh...The cynical musings of my girleecat mind have led me astray from the main purpose of this post: Happy 40th Birthday Sesame Street!! May you have 40 more years of sunny days and sweet, cloudless skies!!! Woot-woot!!!!

Monday, November 9, 2009


Raina does the Thriller dance!! SHAMON!!! =-p
Being laid-off blows monkeys for pesos in a Rosarito cantina's skanky old bathroom after some fat f*cker named "Lalo" just took a massive chorizo n' eggs dump in the very stall you're blowing said monkey in. That being said, I'm ready to go back to work already!!!
I've been out of publishing for nearly a whole year now and while Obama gears up to extend my unemployment benefits (thanks Mr. President, bigups to the Chi!!), I continue to reflect on life as I knew it pre-"Funemployment," lol.
In my "old" life (i.e., my life as the editor of a kick-ass luxury lifestyle magazine in the 90210), I spent soooo much time working and loving it! If I ever felt bored in the evenings or when I wanted time to myself, I would just work late. Yeah, the money I made in no way reflected all the heartfelt time and energy I put into the magazine, but it really didn't matter because I was lucky enough to finally be doing what I love.
Now, I know there are a lot of folks who are in way worse shape than me, so I'll try to keep my b*tching at a minimum (loose emphasis on "try"), but I've been out of the game for so long and have seen so much sad stuff happening in my industry (Conde Naste laid off 180 people, NY Times & LA Times rumored to sell mid-page ads, Lindsay Lohan tweeting the news, etc., etc.) that I'm starting to wonder if I even want to go back to what's left of it!
So, what's the answer? Grad school? Law school? Opening a weed clinic?? ...sigh...I know plenty of publishing professionals with grad degrees who are out of work. The industry as a whole has been drying up where jobs are concerned. With all the twitter bullsh*t and citizen journalism going on, there 's not much job security for anyone with a professional journalism background anymore, including those with graduate degrees. And law school no longer is the fall back career since thousands of law firms and solo practioners have been hit just as hard as publishing has in this economy.
I know in the wheel of life that everything is a cycle and nothing is permanent, so the job market in publishing is bound to shift for the better, but when?? And will it be too late for me once it does? Meaning, I'm thisclose to going back to school for a career change next year and I'm going to be crushed if publishing turns around and suddenly starts oozing profits sooner rather than later! But then again, the chances that traditional journalistic money making models are going to be reborn and kicking ass any year soon is as likely as Joe Jackson signing Ellen Degenerous to play a post-Thriller MJ in an ABC tv movie of the week...wait, that's kinda likely...awkward...
Anywho, speaking of MJ, I better wrap this up by saying that since my last post, I did learn the whole entire original Thriller dance!! And since I have much time to practice these days, it looks like my kitty Raina was even able to pick up some of the moves!! Check her out, above!!!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Cuz this is Thriller!! Thriller night!!!

Greetings y'all, Glam Vita (AKA, Girleecat) here to welcome you to my new blog! This isn't my first blog and it ain't be my last, but I've decided to stop having 2 or 3 different blogs for different subjects (celebs, lovelife, etc.) and just combine my thoughts into one, so I can have one main focus and sounding board for the current happenings in my life. And what's currently happening in my life is being unemployed, yaaayy!!
I've been riding the "funemployment" train for practically this whole year now and I finally feel ok about going public with it. I mean, I know I shouldn't have anything to feel ashamed of being that the whole company that I worked for bit the dust and therefore, everyone I worked with lost their jobs, but it's still a major blow to the ego, not to mention it definitely makes you lose your identity a little bit. Especially if you really loved your job and can't seem to land anything good in your field. Which seems to be the boat I'm in... and for those of you who don't know me, I've been laid off from my job in publishing as a magazine editor and writer... :-( :-( :-( :-(
So yeah, that's my status and I'm (unfortunately) sticking to it. But on a lighter note - Omg, so starting next week the teacher of my hip hop dance class at my gym is going to teach us all the original dance routine for Michael Jackson's Thriller!!!! I'm thrilled!! And that's a good thing being that few things outside of friends and family make me happy these days. But I've always loved the Thriller routine and have considered it one of MJ's best (although there are so many, it's hard to choose)! I definitely feel that learning it in time for Halloween is seriously the best way to pay tribute to the Man in the Mirror and enjoy myself while doing it: hee-hee!! I wish I could tell you where my gym is, but the only hint I'll give is that it's in LA cuz it's going to be a popular class, and I don't want y'all coming and crowding up the lesson! ;-p