Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Pricksmas!!

Merry Christmas my little candy canes!! There's tons to report about on this fine Christmas night (ex./ some crazy b*tch bum-rushed the Pope, an even crazier mofo tried to light off a bomb on a plane in Detroit, etc.), but I've decided to hit you all with a little ditty about a prick named Charlie Sheen cuz, well, he desrves some holidy sh*t talkin. Now, unless you were born 20 minutes ago then you're at least somewhat familiar with the trashastic antics of this homo. And if you really did hatch into this world sheer moments ago and you're not familiar, then let me wipe the placenta from your wee baby eyes for a little rundown of the pricktard checklist (AKA,  a better idea of the jerkuss at hand): Substance abuse problems followed by multiple stints in rehab and jail? Check! Gambling addiction? Check! Customer of the Decade award in a high-priced prostitution ring? Check! Jilted trashy ex wife who left him while in her 3rd trimester of pregnancy followed by more drug/gambling/ hooker problems? Check! Arrested this Christmas morning for choking a b*tch who happened to be his current wife and mother of even more of his trash spawn? Check, check, check!!
So, yeah. It looks like the ol' Brat Packer turned fudge-packer today as he spent some time in the pokey for doing what the truly trashy do best: beat up on their drunk wives - rootin tootin good, y'all!! I don't think I need to get into details of what reportedly happened, except that ol' Chas and the li'l lady were vacationing in Aspen when it all went down, but I think we can picture the most likely scenario:

Mr. Trashy: B*tch, that's my Gold Bond medicated foot powder, what you reckon you doin with it?
Mrs. Trashy: Aww, paww!! I needed it for our youngins!! I reckon their hides are chapped from all the snow up here in Aspen.
Mr. Trashy: What'd you call me?? I ain't no has-been!! Come 'ere, b*tch, I'll teach you sass me!!

...and so on, and so on...sigh...but enough about Lifestyles of the Rich and Lameness. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!! I spent mine home with the family, playing Santa to my brother's li'l critters in the morning and then to the movies to catch Sherlock Holmes in the afternoon, which was a pretty good flick, btw. Robert Downey Jr. really did a great job with the role! So much so that I no longer think my beloved J. Depp could have been a better fit for the role. (I still love you, baby - muah!!) And for once I saw what the rest of the world sees in Jude Law whenever they talk about him being a good actor and whatnot. He played the Robin to Downey Jr.'s bad-ass Bri-ish Batman with a decent amount of edge and without coming off the least bit butt-buddy about it - cheerio, ol' chap!!


Ben said...

The real crime is that he has since lost his Hanes commercial. What a travesty!!

GirleeCat said...

Hahaha!! I actually didn't know that, so thanks for the info. That's probably all for the best too, since after this the only underwear he's gonna be modeling is a pit-stained wife beater, lol!!!

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