Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Pricksmas!!

Merry Christmas my little candy canes!! There's tons to report about on this fine Christmas night (ex./ some crazy b*tch bum-rushed the Pope, an even crazier mofo tried to light off a bomb on a plane in Detroit, etc.), but I've decided to hit you all with a little ditty about a prick named Charlie Sheen cuz, well, he desrves some holidy sh*t talkin. Now, unless you were born 20 minutes ago then you're at least somewhat familiar with the trashastic antics of this homo. And if you really did hatch into this world sheer moments ago and you're not familiar, then let me wipe the placenta from your wee baby eyes for a little rundown of the pricktard checklist (AKA,  a better idea of the jerkuss at hand): Substance abuse problems followed by multiple stints in rehab and jail? Check! Gambling addiction? Check! Customer of the Decade award in a high-priced prostitution ring? Check! Jilted trashy ex wife who left him while in her 3rd trimester of pregnancy followed by more drug/gambling/ hooker problems? Check! Arrested this Christmas morning for choking a b*tch who happened to be his current wife and mother of even more of his trash spawn? Check, check, check!!
So, yeah. It looks like the ol' Brat Packer turned fudge-packer today as he spent some time in the pokey for doing what the truly trashy do best: beat up on their drunk wives - rootin tootin good, y'all!! I don't think I need to get into details of what reportedly happened, except that ol' Chas and the li'l lady were vacationing in Aspen when it all went down, but I think we can picture the most likely scenario:

Mr. Trashy: B*tch, that's my Gold Bond medicated foot powder, what you reckon you doin with it?
Mrs. Trashy: Aww, paww!! I needed it for our youngins!! I reckon their hides are chapped from all the snow up here in Aspen.
Mr. Trashy: What'd you call me?? I ain't no has-been!! Come 'ere, b*tch, I'll teach you sass me!!

...and so on, and so on...sigh...but enough about Lifestyles of the Rich and Lameness. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!! I spent mine home with the family, playing Santa to my brother's li'l critters in the morning and then to the movies to catch Sherlock Holmes in the afternoon, which was a pretty good flick, btw. Robert Downey Jr. really did a great job with the role! So much so that I no longer think my beloved J. Depp could have been a better fit for the role. (I still love you, baby - muah!!) And for once I saw what the rest of the world sees in Jude Law whenever they talk about him being a good actor and whatnot. He played the Robin to Downey Jr.'s bad-ass Bri-ish Batman with a decent amount of edge and without coming off the least bit butt-buddy about it - cheerio, ol' chap!!

Monday, December 21, 2009

This just in...

Yo! So my editor at sent me a link to my latest piece with the site. It's a theatre review of a kick-ass play/musical lust partaay called The Wanting that's been running in Santa Monica. Word is it's going on the road this weekend to, well, I can't recall now, so let's just say else other places. Anywho, if ya wanna check it out, click here. I noticed who ever layed it out is completely daft in design and possibly missing a chromosome, but it still made it in with my original submission virtually untouched.


Happy Monday, ya'll. So I got up this morning to the news that Brittany Murphy has 32!!...The internet has been down at my place since last week (an odessey in patience all its own) and it wasn’t until I ventured over to my parents' connection today that I was able to get all my gossip headlines, but WTF?? I totally didn't expect this one, especially since I'd kind of forgotten all about her with Hollywood already so ripe with late 20's-early 30's aged actresses making headlines for poor lifestyle choices instead of strong screen work (see the post below this one for a perfect example), that Ms. Murphy pretty much had slipped off my radar.
It's not that I'm some big fan of hers or that I even really considered her a good actress, but I can say I've followed her work a little bit since she came onto the scene in 1994 with Clueless (one of those movies we'd rock after school everyday for like months) and it's kind of really a shock to me that's she's gone, especially so young. I'm not one of those weirdos who all feels like I knew some celeb even when I'm a huge fan of someone and know tons of details about their lives (like my man Morrissey or 'Ye), but I just feel so bad for her husband and family, and can't help but wonder if her death was a product of her lifestyle. The reports I read said her mother (who she is  said to have been very close to) found her unconscious in the shower, and that she died of cardiac arrest, which for her age group is basically code for coke problem and/or eating disorder. If that's the case, I wouldn’t be surprised since the Hollywood machine manages to chew up young people with drugs as its saliva and spit them out a spiritually impoverished version of their former selves routinely, but it's just sad that another young lady left her loved ones and fans this way.

Over the years I've managed to pick up little details about Murphy’s life (ex./ she dated Ashton Kutcher and Eminem) and I have seen some of her other films like 8 Mile (3 stars), Girl Interrupted (4 stars) and Love & Other Disasters ( -2 stars, seriously baaaaad), and it's been reported that she was working on an indie film at the time of her death, so she definitely had some more good years of work to share with us. R.I.P, lady. Like I said above, bummer.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Ahh, idiocy...

Dear Linds,
If you're reading this, then I'm the happiest girlee in socal because I get to tell you directly that you, missy, are an imbecilic snatch-face who has no business discussing anything other than how to be a hot mess with a cold career. That being said, please retire from twitter and all other social networking sites the same way you've retired from being a legitimate actress, ASAP. In fact, put down your iphone and pick back up that vile of coke you keep lodged in one of your nappy-ass extensions and go on another one of your famous 2-year binges, followed by a 6-month kibble coma, followed by some well-deserved rehab time, followed by jail time with daddy, followed by early retirement in a place where you can never have access to a keyboard whether connected to the internet or not, humpf!! ;-/
So, you may be asking why I'm even wasting space on the internet bashing the likes of this pathetic hasbo who seems to have been replaced by Tiger Woods as head tabloid dumb-ass?? Well, because this time her poseur antics have involved my peeps and I can't stands no more! That's right folks, the Lindster went to India and managed to ignite a sh*t storm of criticism that is best described as an international incident with a special ed twist.
It all began earlier today when I came across this little gem on Wonderwall about how Skanky McCougarface went to India supposedly on a mission to help rescue some children laboring in Delhi sweatshops and tweeted about how, "Over 40 children saved so far ... Within one day's work ... This is what life is about ...Doing THIS is a life worth living!!!" When the reality of it is that Lilo got to India well AFTER the mission had already taken place and the kiddies were already saved... LAME!
So yeah, she had absolutely nothing to do with saving anybody in India from anything, except maybe she saved some poor rikshaw drivers from certain STD infection by not hooking up with them...sigh...
So Lindsay, honey, if you're reading this, please just stop. Stop the posing, stop the tweeting, stop doing anything that garners you any attention, just STOP.
That is all.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Party in the USA, indeed!!

Howdy blogosphere, how goes it?! So I'm trolling through my favorite frivolous celeb dish sites today and I come across this little tidbit about how Miley Cyrus is fixin' to do a cover of Poison's "Every Rose Has it's Thorn"... can we say, 'teen trash meets geezer trash'? YEEHAW!!
So it looks like young Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana/jailbait/Brit-Brit in training, is about ready to remake the hair band classic that glam rocker-turned-reality TV whore, Bret Michaels once wrote for a stripper who broke his heart in the 80's. And it's rumored that ol' Brett is gonna do the strummin' to Miley's hummin' on the remake of his trusty steed of a hit that won't quit.
Now, I'm not against hairband ballads, or covers of them for that matter, but does anyone else find it creepy that Miley's gonna be singing a song about a trashy pole dancer after her infamous display of her pole dancing aspirations at the Teen Choice Awards earlier this year? I'm just sayin..=-O