Thursday, September 8, 2011

Chump Brigade 2011: Oh, the Humanity!

Warning: This could get intense. Those sensitive to harsh criticism of overwhelming displays of dumb*ss behavior might want to scroll down and ogle Kate Moss' nipsies for the duration of this post, cuz it's about to get hot in here and not in a good way.
Okie, so the past few months have found your girl a little maxed-out on the blogging, since there's been a slew of freelance gigs and essays in the name of grad school that have been dominating any free time to write as of late. (Not that I'm complaining, considering it all paid off now that I've been accepted to Pepperdine!) Yet, even while too busy to blog, I still like to keep tabs on what all has been going on in this wacky world of ours. And while there's been plenty of good shite to report, namely freelance gigs with OC Weekly (here, here& here) and Yahoooo!! (here & here), there seems to be an onslaught of lame, lousy b*tchassness going down as well. Let me elaborate.
You see, even through my too-damn-busy-to-bother-chiming-in-on-the-Chuck-Sheen-freakshow haze, I've noticed that Ol' Chazz isn't the only one crashing and burning in a sex-puddle of his own venomous secretions. No-no my lovelies, it seems that there's a whole movement of these fuglee old bozos  running around in the media and making a mockery of their reputations, and in-turn, making our collective stomachs churn. Howevs, I'd say these busters are even worse than Charlie Sheen because most of them are men (and I use that term loosely) who hold government office and have actual titles that we elected them to have!!
Some have fathered illegitimate children with mistresses ugly enough to be the ass of the missing link, others have used campaign dollars to fund their round-the-clock p*ssy habit, and ALL have brought shame to their families and (inadvertently) our nation.
In Medieval times they'd have stoned these mofo's to death, or at the very least, had their nether regions tarred & feathered. Hell, if these dudes were to act a fool like this in India, they'd be chased down with slats of wood and random debris, and given a thorough ass whooping by the public!! (Depending on who they disrespected and how, of course;)
Today we're not so drastic with the physical punishment. Karma has evolved the punishment for such indiscretions to be far more advanced than medevil torture. Now your payback comes in form of total reputation debauchery via tabloid media and the general narc-ness or the internet age in general.
So, I present to you G-Cat's Top 3 Doofuss list!!

Sukka, please?! Foreal? You're really gonna "cry" after you were done sending nekkid pix of your luckily-married self to the li'l dippers out there??? C'mon son!!! You need to get the f*ck outta here with that weak ass bullshit!!
2. Tha Govanatah
There are not enough words to describe how low this dude is. Ok, say we forgive him for being bored in his marriage. I can get down with that cuz after all, Maria does seem uber frigid. But that's besides the point. The point is that while Ahnuld was in the pursuit of whatever the chubacaabra dragged in, he not only impregnated said chuba, but he also ended up destroying his marriage to Maria Shriver, his relationship with the rest of his family and alienating his "love child" for life. Loser.
1.) Mofo John Edwards
See that look? Yeah, that look says it all: Shruggin off all the campeign p*ssy he's been getting? Check! Having the perfect excuse to creep around on  his loving wife & supporter who happened to lose her 6-year battle with breast cancer in the midst of all his bullsh*t cheating? Check! Sh*t eating grin to assure it's all good in the campeign hood?? Check!!! So as you can see, this doofus wins in the Chump Brigade contest. Congrats're the biggest twat of 'em all!!


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